Heartache Day

Dear Diary,

Today was a heart ache day. The worst part was that I couldn’t even express it because if I would’ve the school would have turned around. It is difficult for everyone to accept the fact that I am girl and even I feel hurt and… I am a girl… Everyone sees the tomboy me, so I can’t express my emotions much.

Today I tried a change. I wore a skirt. Okay!! You read it right. I’m not gonna repeat it again. I thought of giving a pleasant surprise to everyone in the school but it turned into a shocking nightmare.

As soon I went to school, I met Lucifer. He passed me such a rude comment. I hate him… he broke my heart. He wasn’t talking to me to okay… heart cracking. But passing a gross comment… was heart shattering.

The main reason I was excited to go to school was Brian. However, he seemed to be mingling with others today.

People were literally staring a me. Teachers, students, everyone… The lectures were embarrassing. During the lunch break. Lucifer was on his “ignore-and-hate-Alana mode”. He was stuck up with Lacey. The rest of the guy gang was having the loud fun on the next table but I didn’t feel like joining them. Brian was on the other table with Dawn, Frank and Reggie. Well… That means I had no company. I was sitting alone today too.

Then  probably the best and the  worst thing of the day happened. My Mr. Crush- Ian came and sat by me.

I kinda had to remind myself that breathing is vital for living. He lit up my mood even if it was for a few moments. For a moment I got lost in his brilliant features. His tawny complexion, his dark chocolate brown eyes, his perfectly messy hair, his charming smile and the little scar on his eyebrows. He had such charming features, no wonder all the girls had a crush on him. Recently, after breaking up with Lacey, he is single. Therefore, nowadays he is usually surrounded with girls all the time. As far as, I have stalked… I mean found out, Ian is not interested in anyone.

I must’ve done something stupid because he gave me a weird look. I tried to calm myself and put on the tomboy face. Then, Mr. Ian Hocking broke my heart too.

He started up with a very casual conversation. Like: “Hey! Wassup? All fine? Have up done the english assignment?” And other stuff like that.

What he said next hurt me. He said, “Okay! I’ll go now.. by the way… That skirt… Are you trying to be like Lacey?” With a callous, he left me wondering my identity.

The later lectures were nothing amazing. The soccer practice was cancelled because the coach caught flu. I came home. Even Dad got sarcastic about my dress. The dinner was horrible. The homework is neverending.

I am desperately thinking, why the people who held me dear, treat me like a nothing today? How did people who I held dear, gave me a heart ache? Does the kind of dress I wear change my behaviour? Why does everything seem to be so impossible? Why can’t people accept the fact that I cry too? I know, I’ve always been a tomboy. But can’t a tomboy feel and express?

Crying-and-Dying,

Alana

 

 

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